Well not intentionally. I was in zombie mode a while ago at work and didn’t notice that I wasn’t wearing my gloves while cutting the hose. I don’t have suicidal tendencies. I was just careless.
You know what, it felt great. It’s painful but I felt a relief. I just need another indication that I’m still alive. I am in a dark place right now. I don’t know if I’m depressed or what but I’m certain that I’m not happy.
A couple of weeks ago, I unplugged by deactivating my facebook and logging out my instagram. I stopped talking to my friends and family. I stopped reading the news. I’m not even sure if unplugging really helps. I need to be alone. I want to be alone. It’s funny considering I’m like an alien here in our site in Burkina Faso being the only Asian / Filipino guy who has that terrible French. Don’t get me wrong. The people here are great. They genuinely care about me. I know. But something’s really lacking. I’m alone and lonely. And those things mustn’t go together any time.
For the meantime, I’ll keep on reading. My somewhat escapegoat to these insanity. Don’t worry, the general theme of the books I’m reading now is “How to be happy” and traveling. So I’m doing something. I need to do something.