There’s a Youtube Channel that I religiously follow and they are called simonandmartina aka eatyourkimchi. I started watching them around 2014 when I was searching for a comprehensive blog about the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Universal Studios Osaka, Japan. I first stumbled upon their blog and then redirected to their youtube channel and from then on my life was changed.

I don’t know, this couple is very relatable. But just recently, they uploaded a video of Martina just talking about her Chronic Pain, depression and other bonuses of this sickness and this video struck me the most. I also suffer from depression. I’m not sure if it’s there even before I started working here in Africa. And before I know it, I’m having regular suicidal thought, though I haven’t executed them yet but hey no pressure. Well, I don’t know if this is counted but during my senior year in highschool I started cutting myself. This is one of the darkest episodes of my life and I’m not proud of it. I’m not sure what I’m thinking back then but I could recall that I just want to feel something. Focus on the physical pain not on the emotional. That was the time when my family was having some difficulties.

So back to the video, Martina attempted suicide but didn’t succeed. And one day, she realized that if she’s willing to end her life, why not do the things that she want. So she got a very cute tattoo, moved to Japan, travel, and be happy in general.

Unconsciously, like Martina, that’s what I’ve been doing. Just last year, a few days before my 25th birthday, I got my first tattoo. It is a pine tree. And the meaning will be on a separate blog post. So yeah, I started doing things out of my comfort zone like traveling alone, getting a tattoo, and basically I’m now in constant quest for happiness. I know that life is too short to live a life full of misery.

Though I haven’t eradicated my depression entirely and I’m not really sure if I can do that but I’m doing my best to learn to live with it peacefully.

And to borrow Hannah Hart’s words, “For me dealing with depression isn’t about trying to run away from the feeling; it’s about learning to walk alongside it”.

You can watch Martinas’s video below: